I can't believe you only have a few weeks left of your mission. It's crazy how quickly a year can go by. I'm sure it's becoming bittersweet for you. Counting down the days until you can be back with the family, yet not wanting to leave the work and the people you've come to love. I hope these next few weeks are filled with many wonderful moments for you to cherish.
As you know I've been doing a lot of studying of the scriptures. I've been doing some soul searching and reflecting.
A few weeks ago I was out on one of Elon's properties. We have a small "Forrest" or a small area of land that has been designated a "Forrest" that we use for biology and botany research for the students. It's really a beautiful area with many different kinds of trees and plants. One of my favorite trees is the Mountain Laurel. In case you didn't know, there are few things in nature better than a Mountain Laurel tree.
They get these gorgeous lavender blossoms that smell like grape soda and basically make the world feel like a better place. The trees blooms from early may through June and every time I see one I think of that primary song "I know Heavenly Father Loves Me." That's how I feel when I see these incredible Mountain Laurel trees.
This year there were a couple of trees that were looking sickly. I happened to be doing a story for one of Elon's publications on the installation of a solar farm on an adjacent property, when I saw that there were some people out inspecting the trees. I wandered over there to see what was going on. The tree guy said that when the trees were originally planted, they were planted too deep and over the years the roots had become covered by more and more layers of dirt and mulch until they weren't getting enough light from above.
Hi. Spiritual analogy anyone?
The tree guys brought in some equipment that I'd tell you all about except I didn't care enough to ask and they dug out all of the excess dirt around the tree roots to expose them to the light.
And I'm not kidding when I tell you that not even two weeks later the sickly trees were coveted in bright green foliage that's a sign of new growth and health. That's all it took. The roots were in need of the light.
Those trees are a reminder to me that I let too many things crowd in and block out the voice of Heavenly Father in my life. And not even bad things necessarily, just busy things.
Things that distract me from absorbing how much my Heavenly Father loves me.
I heard someone say once, "We will never be secure until we realize we are fully loved by God, no matter our failings." That's my struggle.
I struggle with grace.
I struggle to comprehend that I am fully loved by my Heavenly Father no matter how much I fail. That's the place I go when I let too much cover up the truth of the Gospel in my life.
Because I know myself. I know all my weaknesses and failures. I know what I've done and what I regret. I know all of the ways I continue to fail on a daily basis.
And if I'm disappointed in myself - then how is Heavenly Father not disappointed in me? How does he look at me with unfailing love and hope that I'll do better tomorrow, but won't love me any less if I don't?
It doesn't make sense. And sometimes it just feels easier to cover these insecurities up and pretend they're not there instead of exposing them to the light.
Over the last few weeks Heavenly Father has shown His love to me in a hundred different ways, just small simple things. There have been moments when I've almost felt like it was too much. More than I deserved. Confirmation that He is weaving together plans and purposes and a future I couldn't have imagined.
And I've felt Him say to me in the deepest part of my heart, the part I sometimes let get too covered up, "You are so much harder on yourself than I am."
I am. I'm hard on myself. I get caught up in the comparison game and feel like everyone is loving better, living more purposefully, doing more significant things and, essentially, blooming so much better than me.
I give other people the benefit of the doubt, but I never give myself that same consideration. And that's what Heavenly Father has been teaching me these past few weeks as I have been studying.
He has never once looked at me, shook his head and said, "Wow! What a failure. I should have gotten someone else to do that." That's not how He works.
I don't know if any of us have the capability or the comprehension to ever fully grasp the love of Heavenly Father. It's too big. But I know that the only way we'll ever grow and become what He has called us to be is when we expose ourselves to the light of the gospel. That's where we bloom.
That's where we have the fragrance that tells the world who we belong to, what He has done for us, and that we are covered in ridiculous amounts of grace by the light of His love and the truth of His gospel.
I love you mom and I hope your week is going well. Thank you for all that you do and all that you are!
Holley
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