Handy Household Tips

I am all about helping the masses. Truly. My knowledge is your knowledge. Moreover, my laundry is your laundry. Always remember to separate the darks from the lights, and don’t put my bras in the dryer, please.

Anyway.

Know how there are never an even number of socks? The dryer eats them, or the gremlins steal them, or whatever? I have inadvertently ascertained how to avoid this problem. So I will share the solution with you, because no one likes to have extra socks lying around. And the answer is so simple, really.

Follow my easy steps and never have lonely, mismatched socks again. (Yell that to yourself with your best Billy Mays voice)

1) Wait to do laundry until the last possible minute (like when everyone in the house is down to their last clean underpants).

2) Sign-up for making cookies for the next Enrichment activity but don’t realize that you really signed up for musical numbers for the Christmas Sacrament meeting. Get yourself assigned a duet with someone who has a much nicer voice than you do.

3) Forget all about practicing until a week later, the day of the next choir rehearsal.

4) Hyperventilate.

5) Stop hyperventilating.

6) Dump clean laundry on the bed.

7) Put rehearsal CD on the stereo and turn it waaaayyyyy up.

8) Make a space in the mound of laundry to prop up your sheet music. (Putting character underpants on your head to keep the hair out of your eyes or doing conducting gestures with impromptu sock puppets is optional.)

9) Rehearse while pairing socks.

10) Discover that belting out “Glory To God In The Highest” while pairing socks means that it will all come out even.

11) Note that that F? Is actually an F sharp. And it’s not so hard. No wonder the socks were practically trembling in awe.

There you have it, folks. Better laundry management through musical worship. You heard it here first. God loves a cheerful sock pairer.