Dear Northern, Midwestern and Western People (and yes, we really do call you "Yankees" behind your back, but we mean it in the nicest way possible). Oh, how do you know if you’re a Yankee? Well, if you haven’t resided in any of the following states for at least 2 years…Virginia, West Virginia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Texas, Georgia, Oklahoma (where the wind comes sweepin’ down the plain), Louisiana, North Carolina, South Carolina and Yes even Florida…Then you my friends are a YANKEE!
It would appear that many of you are beginning to desire to add the word "y'all" to your vocabulary. I do not blame you. It is an excellent word, rich in culture, and full of practical application. And we Southerners are gracious (MY STARS, we are gracious) We here at Elon just hosted Sarah Palin. I myself exercised extreme graciousness when I met Mrs. Palin. I smiled, I shook hands, I drove her in my sweet Elon Golf cart to the stage where she spoke about some stuff for like 25 minutes. I didn’t stare at her when she winked uncontrollably at me. I didn’t snicker at her when she used the word “Maverick” five times and managed to control my urge to groan out loud when she talked about how “Providential it was that she was here at the home of the Phoenix” because the man from Phoenix is the “Maverick” for the job. She should have had me write her speech. As usual, I have digressed. Back to Y’all, Y’all.
We Southerners will share this word with you happily, because we feel we should not discriminate against you just because you did not have the good sense to be born in God's Country or live here for more than 2 years.
So by all means, take our word "y'all" and use it with pride. You are just as welcome to it as you can be. But please, please, use it properly. An improper "y'all" use is just a slap in the face of all we hold dear, and we cannot bear it. So Mrs. Palin your wielding of our word "You Betcha Y'all" stung a little bit.
Here is what you need to know if you are going to be a successful Southern slang slinger (say that 10 times fast with a southern drawl).
1. "Y'all" is never, ever, ever, EVER singular. It must refer to a group. If you refer to one person as y'all, then, I'm sorry, but we can hear your Yankee-ness loud and clear.
2. Even if you have a thick New York accent, you must attempt to say "y'all" with a southern accent. "Y'all" spoken with a northern accent just does not work. Go ahead, throw yourself into it: YA-A-A-AWL. Please pronounce every one of those A's.
3. You may hear your Southern friends say "all y'all". This is perfectly acceptable for native Southerners. If you are a transplant like me, tread carefully. According to my friend Donna Jo, in order to pull off "all y'all", you have to have some heritage behind you.
4. Conversely, do NOT use "y'all guys." It is just wrong. And when you leave the room we will laugh at you, but we will be sure to tack on a "bless her heart" at the end.
5. Let us discuss the spelling. "Y'all" is a contraction of "you" and "all". Therefore, the apostrophe MUST go in the place of the "ou". It is "y'all". Not "ya'll".
6. Be prepared. If you adopt our fine word and go back home to your Yankee friends and family, they will give you great grief for sounding like a hillbilly. Bear up, my friend--it is a burden we Southerners have borne for years. Be comforted that your new word brings with it the brilliant heritage of Faulkner and O'Connor. And also cheese grits.
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2 comments:
You should have your own column, like Erma Bombeck did. Become syndicated. You could do it.
Hey Y'all, and by y'all I'm referring to the entire Berry clan. Your mother rocks! Poor Sarah, how was she to know? :)
18 days and we get to forget this entire election ever happened. I'm counting down, I really am.
The only thing that might hold us back are some pregnant chads in Dade County, FL, where y'all don't reside but where the redneck problems got in the way of Mr. Gore being "the next President of the United States."
Pray for a smooth election, because I'm afraid the lesser of two evils doesn't even exist in 2008.
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