Cheap Sunglasses...Oh YEAH!

The other day, I was getting gas and nature called. So I had to go use the public rest room at the gas station. When I was finished attending to nature’s call, I turned around to flush and my sunglasses fell into the toilet. Well, not wanting to cause a community incident and be known as the woman who flushes sunglasses, I picked them up out of the toilet and proceeded to the sink to sanitize myself and the sunglasses. However, since that day in infamy, any time I have put them on, I involuntarily shudder, unable to forget their dark and soggy sordid history. I lost that loving feeling towards them and decided that I should probably go ahead and splurge on another pair of cheap sunglasses.

So today, I found myself at RossDressForLess (you have to say it like that) and as luck would have it, I found a gen-u-wine pair of Ralph Lo-wren sunglasses for only $4.99! Apparently stores think you only need to buy sunglasses in the summer. So I tried them on. And I even looked half way decent in them. There are some people who look good in glasses and hats and other things on their head, Jennifer Lopez for example, but I am not one of those people. I could don a ball cap, a hair bow or an otter and look equally ridiculous. In fact during the hot and humid summers of North Carolina, an otter would be preferable to my frizzed out curls. Yes, the best I can hope for in the way of head gear is half way decent, not that bad — not terribly hideous is my fashion goal. So I excitedly headed out of the store with my new designer sunglasses anxious to remove the tags and be all uptown girl or as uptown as one can be when cruising the suburbs in a mom-mobile.

As I left the store, I ripped the old pair of sunglasses off my head and slam dunked them into the trash can with the kind of flourish that made Michael Jordan famous. Good riddance, so long and adios ya big losers, it’s me and Ralph now! I pulled out my cute little Swiss army knife that I keep in my purse especially for tag cutting emergencies and just as I went to snip the tag, the itty bitty sissors slipped and gashed the lens right down the center, deep and long. And I was filled with the joy of the heavens, all mirth and glee and delight as you might imagine.

So then. After I cursed the Swiss army and Ralph Lauren, I stomped walked back into the store to buy yet another pair of sunglasses. I paused at the garbage can where the $5 Wal-Mart flush-me-nots rested in crumpled peace and I gave a moment of consideration to pulling them out of the trash can and stomping on them with both feet for good measure but decided against digging through the garbage, because you know, I have my standards.

As I went through the checkout line for the second time in less than twenty minutes with a second pair of sunglasses, the check out girl gave me a puzzled look. “Didn’t you just buy a pair of sunglasses?” she asked. “Yup,” I said. And then I put on my new not-terribly-hideous sunglasses and I wore them out of the store, tags and all because at my level of cool, price tags don’t make much difference.