1) Exercise is hazardous to your health. When you are running on a treadmill and two students start having a love quarrel near you, turning to gawk at them will result in you misstepping and falling. You will be flung off of the back of the treadmill and the ear phones will be ripped out of your Ipod. As you lay broken on the floor, someone will rush to the aid of your Ipod.
Also, the black and blue bruises will match your new black skirt and purple sweater perfectly, giving the entire ensemble a level of classiness you never could have imagined.
2)You can not turn your music up loud enough to mask the screams of a 17 year old who has just been squirted awake by his brother. Unless you turn it up so loud as to cause your eardrums to burst. In which case you will be rendered deaf. Not that it would necessarily be a bad thing.
3) Before telling yourself that you will run until the next song is finished it would be wise to know how long the next song is. I can run a half a mile to Come Away With Me by Norah Jones. I didn’t really want to. The song kept going on and on and I was screaming in my head, “Just shut-up already, Norah” alternating with “I hate exercising”
4) Similarly, singing out loud to this song while trying to run will result in a sound that resembles a wounded sheep and will cause people in the fitness center to turn ’round and stare at you, slack jawed. They will probably imitate you later on at one of their drunken parties.
5)As much as my husband loves, my boobs they are a pain, literally, when trying to run. And running while holding them in place is not very easy for the uncoordinated like me. (see number 1 above) so I don’t think I’ll be doing that again even if my heart rates needs to be pumped up.
6) I have a new body part to fixate my hatred upon… I have deformed ears. The reason I know this is that the ipod earbuds will not stay put inside my ears when I run. I have not noticed any one else having this problem.
7) Bladder control is something I should have appreciated more. In fact I think that might be my new tagline, Gaining A New Appreciation For Bladder Control. Too much information? Yeah, I thought so.
8) I have the most awesome family! Thanks for your support and outpouring of love. It is kind of a dark time for me, but there is a light in the tunnel and I now have new drugs, lots of new drugs! I love you all!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
I have anxiously awaited your post and so glad to hear that through it all you have been able to exercise, despite the hazard it is to your health. Running? You rock!!! I cannot do that, I wish I could. But I have serious boob issues myself. Remember when Julie and I mocked you. I take it all back and then some. I got cursed with the McGiven boobs and I rue the day!!!!
Good luck with nursing yourself back to health. All my hugs!
I absolutely love your posts. You are hilarious and always brighten my day.
-Carrie
my ears must be deformed too then. I can never get those DANG earphones to stay in my ears. I wonder if it's a McGiven thing?? Hope you're feeling better soon!! :)-Amy
My ipod head phones stay in (most of the time) but they hurt like nothing else. And if I wear them too much it feels like my ears are bruised.
ouch!! But good job exercising. I can honestly say I do not share your same boob trouble. Oh well , what can you do (besides spend 10,000 dollars)? Keep up the good work, I'm betting on you so don't let me down!
Post a Comment