Metal Mouth!

In January 2006 I took my son Wesley to the orthodontist where I signed away all my vital organs, my blood, and then emptied my pocketbook upside down on the desk. They did allow me to leave with my actual pocketbook and for that I suppose I should be grateful.

I had asked if they would just take my first born as payment, but they declined, they’ve seen his teeth, which are straight and knew they could not extort any more money from me.

So for the past two years Wesley has had braces and has had to endure the monthly adustments and wearing rubber bands strapped to his gums, clamping his mouth shut, which as it happens is kind of a nice benefit and my be worth a lung. However, he has not stopped complaining, when said rubber bands are not in place.

It has been a long 21 months of listening to him. Made worse by the fact that I am still paying for them, as vital organs don’t go as far as they used too. Yes, how is that for a kick. I give my kidneys and still have to pay my hard earned cash, Awesome! I just wrote a check for $287 and I’m feeling a tad resentful. Although, what goes around comes around as they say. I had to wear braces too.

But for the rest of his life I get to nag him to brush and floss, “Not only did I GROW YOU in my body from a single cell and give birth to you by having my abdomen slashed open and having you ripped from my loins, bidding adieu to bladder control for the rest of my natural life, but I am now poor and missing all my vital organs! You will take care of those teeth. Or I will tear them out of your head and give them to someone more thankful!” I’m not as benevolent as my own mother, who pays for things like braces without expecting anything in return.

And people think Rocky is tough. Pshaw.