Merry Christmas! I hope your dinner and family home evening with the senior missionaries last night was fun and uplifting. We had a wonderful time with our friends. It made me wonder why I had never done that before. I guess this year I was ready to get outside myself and not dwell on my own loneliness for our family. It really does make a difference when we set aside our own problems or sorrows and focus on serving and loving others. In the end that service lifts our own spirits and makes everything seem right in the world, even if just for a few hours.
I wanted to tell you how I came up with the idea of writing these posts to you for each day of December leading up to Christmas Day. It was early November and I was feeling blue and troubled about work stresses and family stresses and I was letting myself wallow in a miserable stupor about the cyclone of trials swirling through my life. I was lying on my bed and my eyes rested on the sign you gave us a few years ago with the quote from President Monson, about how our lives are God's gift to us and what we become is our gift to God. I don't know how many times I've read that quote in the years since I've had it hanging on my wall, but this last time, it was like a lightening bolt to my spirit. I sat straight up and read it again.
I realized that wallowing in self-pity is such a waste of time. I wanted to go and call you, but I wasn't sure if you would be out working and so I got down on my knees instead and had a long talk with Heavenly Father. At that time I had been in a slump with regard to my personal prayers and scripture reading. That prayer was a pretty transformative experience for me. After I was finished with my prayer I got up and decided that I was going to be more purposeful in the way I practiced my faith. I decided not to dwell on my past and on the things that have been keeping me from moving forward in my spiritual growth. I decided that it was finally time to stop punishing myself. I got out the letter you had sent me a week or so before this and I reread it. It was just what I needed to hear. Those words have been like a lighthouse to me, reminding me that I'm not alone. That I have a family who loves me, that I have a mother who believes in me and a Savior who had already taken any punishment I was due if I would just avail myself of the healing powers of the Atonement. It was like all of those many tearful conversations we have had over the years finally clicked into place. About time huh? Only 30+ years. I made a goal that night that I was not going to focus on what my life was/is but on what my life could be if I made some changes.
Then a week or so later I was thinking about Christmas and everyone on my list that I wanted to get presents for. I started thinking about you. I got online and I looked up "Missionary Christmas" gift ideas, none of them filled me with any inspiration. I didn't want to send you something that you would have to dust or worry about shipping home after your mission was over. I thought about your letter again. That's when it hit me. The greatest gifts that I have are my family and my testimony. I knew that you shared that same thought. I knew there was nothing better that I could give you for Christmas than to share my testimony with you and tell you how grateful I am for all of the wonderful things you have taught me both in word and by your example. I wanted to continue putting my faith into action and tell you about all of the exciting things I have been learning. So for Christmas Mom I am giving you ME. I wish I could have hand delivered me to your doorstep in Hawaii but then that would have been more a gift for me than you :-)
Merry Christmas Mom! I love you and I am so inspired by you every day. Thank you for being my MOM!
I wrote one last poem for this season:
It’s shining lights and trees aglow
It’s Jesus’ birthday, don’t you know?
Scurrying for those gifts that win,
What fine gift are you giving Him?
“What does He want? You ask of me,
Let’s make a list and let us see.
He wants our aid to feed the poor,
To help the blind and heal the sore.
He wants our help to spread the Word,
Until the whole wide world has heard.
He gives us all the cash we earn,
He asks but for a small return.
He wants us to bring in those we see,
He’ll save their souls eternally.
To be a friend to man and beast,
To share your good and bring relief.
He wants our love, our lives, our loyalty,
Lay down these gifts beneath your tree.
He gave His life for you and me
What will we give to Him?-
Part 2 of this post will be tomorrow. A little birthday bonus for both of us. I have been taking some pictures and I'll get those posted for you to enjoy.
I hope you have a joy filled day as you get the chance to chat with each of us and our families. I know that will be a highlight to the day.
Till Tomorrow,
Holley
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