I’m sorry for your pain and for the life lesson you are now experiencing. We could have saved you this pain but you would not listen to the counsel your dad and I tried to share. Perhaps some good will come of this yet.
Even though these next few weeks will be rough on you, your former girlfriend is not a mean person. She is a 19-year-old girl who is not yet mature enough to give her heart to a young man. You my son are not yet mature enough to care for and treasure a woman’s heart.
You wanted to create a cocoon for two, a happy world were each of you were loved by the other. She joined you in that happy cocoon but eventually it was too small, to confining, and she wanted out. You both are not yet mature enough to understand how two people can become one, and still have room in their lives for others.
She wants and needs an opportunity to find out who she is on her own. She has never had the kind of constant security that you have always had. If you truly love her then you will give her room to grow and figure that out.
Faith and Christian values are important to your father and me and it has always been a part of our family. Her family situation is completely different and she found it difficult to understand where you were coming from. Part of her breaking away is to find her own faith. Pray that she can find it because in the end, that will help her above anything else in life.
You don’t have the freedom to blaze your own path as a couple; you are not adults but children living with families who have differing priorities and at times they did conflict.
You didn’t have the maturity to want what was best for the other. She wanted control over the girls you talked too. You wanted a vow of eternal love that no young girl can make. Even if she “feels” this is so, it just isn’t. You didn’t have the maturity to believe us when we told you your request wasn’t realistic. Better to believe the pretty girl with the laughing eyes, than your parents, who have the life experience, but aren’t as pretty.
You sacrificed a lot to stay in that relationship for as long as you did. Remember, my son that was your choice. You don’t get to rewrite your history, and be hostile towards her because of your choice. You can regret the choice, but whatever the influences on you, the decision was yours to make, no one else’s.
There will be more pretty girls with laughing eyes in your future. Before you give your heart again, you would be wise to wait for the one who shares a vision for her future similar to your vision for your future. Someone who has the maturity to want what is best for you, as you will want the best for her. Who understands how to build not a cocoon, but a home, a special haven for two where others are welcome.
Hopefully you will find a young woman who shares your values of faith, family and community. We hope and pray you will choose that sort of young lady to build a life with.
To find that special woman, you will have to be a man, my son. Give yourself time to grow, to mature, and to become that man. Learn what it means to truly love someone more than you love yourself. When you have learned how to do that…then you will be ready to be the keeper of a woman’s heart.
For the time being…work hard, study hard and give yourself some time to experience what life has to offer. You have plenty of time for the responsibilities of adulthood. Relish this time of freedom and challenge yourself to broaden your horizons and strengthen your testimony.
Above all, always remember and never forget…that your parents love you and are here for you.
3 comments:
I am sorry to hear about Anna, Brien. But your Mom is absolutely right. You really need to listen to her because she knows what she is talking about. She has been there, done that.
Take this time in your life to focus on the things that are really important in life. Family and your journey to success. Have fun along the way as you discover your own self. Live a virtuous life while you do it and keep to your morals and the standards your parents have so fully taught you. Life does go on. There are more fish in the sea. You will find someone when it is the right time. And hopefully like your mom said it will be someone who shares your morals and standards, and shares your ideas for a happy and successful future. Hopefully, You will find someone that you can take to the temple and be sealed with for time and all eternity.
Remember that Heavenly Father is in control he knows what is truly best for you. You just have to let him take the reigns and trust in him. It is part of our test/journey in life. It is to submit our will to him and live the way we know we should and we will be happy as long as we are obedient. That is a promise that Heavenly Father gives to us. That he will bless us as long as we are obedient and keep the commandments. Love you Brien, I know you will be okay and come out of this a stronger man.
Life is a difficult journey and the hardest parts of the road are parts we chose for ourselves.
Holley, you are as eloquent as ever.
Brien, I'm extremely sorry.
Well said Mom...19 is young!! Enjoy the few selfish years while you can....seriously! Get out of your system now is all I have to say. :)
Post a Comment