I haven’t slept in about a week.
That’s an exaggeration, of course; I’ve slept, but not well, and not for long.
There’s a kind of worry that gets into my brain that makes it hard for me to compartmentalize and move around it. That worry is almost always something related to Things 1 & 2; I get stuck in an endless mental loop of “But if A, then B. And if B, then C. And if C, OHMYWORD, D-Z! We’re all DOOMED!”
It’s not particularly productive or helpful. But I haven’t figured out how to circumvent it, yet. It leaves me with two choices: Accomplish nothing, so I am free to worry all day, or still accomplish stuff, but then lay awake at night catching up on worrying.
This week has been full of Option B because I’ve grown rather accustomed to eating and sleeping indoors. Especially this week since we are feeling the remnants of Hurricane Ida and it is cold, wet and sloshy outside.
So I work but I am still stressed, and still worried, and we still have lots and lots of “what if”s in front of us. We did however find out that Thing 1 has a thyroid disorder which COULD explain some of what’s been going on…but not all. He’ll be starting a new medication regime tomorrow and I hope and pray that this will help clear-up some of what’s been dragging him down.
I’m feeling funky.
Not like, “Check me out, I’m fabulous!” funky, either. More like “STOP LOOKING AT ME!” kind of funky.
And nothing’s wrong really. There is a minor crisis going on but no one is dying and when I think of other people who are going through so much more than me…I feel guilty…guilty and funky. There are several small and insignificant minor annoyances occurring in my family but my inability to cope with them without feeling like I’m having the everlovin’ crap irritated out of me. (And, apparently, my inability to write a sentence that isn’t awkward. Sorry about that.)
This too shall pass, but in the meantime, I’m a real joy to be around. Of course my poor sister is dealing with her first go around with the TERRIBLE TWO’s. We are having a competition to see who’s life is worse hers with the adorable two year-old terror or mine with the TWO HULKING GORRILLA THINGS! I think I’m winning!
I’ve also been working on my talk for Sacrament meeting next week. The topic is to “Receive all Things in Gratitude”
I’ve really had to work hard to make sure that this talk is of a positive nature and not just one big complain fest from the pulpit. I’ve come across a couple of really cool quotes in my research and I thought I would share.
Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.
~(Cicero)
When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude. ~(G.K. Chesterton)
What you see and hear depends a good deal on where you are standing... it also depends on what kind of a person you are ~(C.S. Lewis)
“Think to thank. In these three words is the finest capsule course for a happy marriage, a formula for enduring friendship, and a pattern for personal happiness” ~(Thomas S. Monson)
Happy Wednesday Everybody!
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3 comments:
I'm sorry about the funk. I understand it, I've embraced it, I've lived it and will probably live it again.
But, since you are in the middle of the funk......here are my arms, wrapping around you {hugs}.
I've done terrible two but never thing 1 and thing 2....so I feel I can honestly say, YOU WIN!
Bless your heart Holley. Isn't life grand including the worry, anxiety, and guilt involved? I too would love to sit around and just be complacent some (most) days but that never quite happens.
I really hope things get better for thing 1. Poor guy. We'll be praying for you...and I too would love to give you a hug. (this is the part where living so dang far away bites...especially when I WANT to hear your talk.)
OK so thanks for the uplifting quotes and I'll get my butt off the couch and tackle the day ahead. ;)
I've been thinking about how Mom must have felt when we grew up and started becoming independent. I guess she was lucky because there were so many of us she had to just let one go and concentrate on the ones who were still around. By the time she was done sending us all away she was in the midst of Grandmothering. That must be the nice thing about having a lot of kids.
I really wish you could take some time for you and not have to worry about these things so much. I understand the funk I'm having my own and my house is paying for it. I hope things get better soon, I'm glad he found out about the thyroid thing, being on my medication has made all the difference I was having serious anxiety before we realized my thyroid was out of whack.
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