Do you Think Maria Had ADD

I am a closet (not anymore, I guess) Sound of Music lover. I love, love, love that movie. I love Julie Andrews, I love Christopher Plummer. I love the whiskers on kittens song. I even love the evil Baroness and Rolfe, even though he broke Liesle's heart and betrayed them all the little Aryan Jerk. I coveted those matching outfits made from curtains. For most of my life I longed to have a beautiful and exotic name like Brigitta. And that puppet theatre??? Swoon.

But I digress.

I think Maria had ADD. Dane laughs at me. He asserts that since my son has been diagnosed ADD, I think everybody has it. But it really does run in my family.

It's true. I do diagnose a startling number of people because I do have my medical degree from the school of Web MD. But it's surprisingly rampant and once you know the symptoms and co-morbid (some of my medical school terminology) behaviors, it's really quite obvious. But I don't think everybody has it. Just most of the annoying people in the world, like my son Brien.

So you're asking yourself...how does the Sound of Music relate to ADD?

Well...you see, my son has been struggling with college and we’re going through the hoops laid out by the Office of Disability Services. I have also been trying to find him a therapist who specializes in young-adult ADD. I want anyone who deals with my son to understand that he's challenging. I don't want them to be caught completely off guard when they realize that Brien bounds, skips, gallops and hops, but never walks and when he tries to settle down and just walk he looks like a plodding Ape. I don't want them to be completely and thoroughly frustrated when he asks what might seem like stupid questions. He really didn’t understand the instructions. I know he’s in college, but there is a disconnect that happens from the time it leaves your mouth and gets to his ears.

And yet, I fear if I tell anyone these things, they will be prejudiced against him. I fear they will become blind to all his really good qualities. I fear they will never make an effort to know the creative, imaginative, sensitive and hungry young man that lurks beneath the slovenly, disorganized person.

Simply put, I want everyone...to like him.

Because when you have a child like Brien, you always worry that people will be unable to separate the kid from the behavior. You always worry that nobody will know how fantastic your kid is...especially when there are days you are hard pressed to see it yourself.

For the past two years I have been struggling with helping Brien to succeed in school and fighting a system that is not really set-up to help kids who can pass, but only by the skin of their teeth. I know that ADD has gotten a lot press over the years but other than which stimulant medication you choose to put your kid on, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of information for parents of college students.

Being the parent of a college student is hard because you have to sit back and watch as your child goes out into the world to become their own person. No longer are you invited to give your advice and the law says you are not entitled to know anything about your child’s grades because it violates their rights to privacy. So you sit back and wait for your child to be in crises before you can do anything to help. Brien has always felt that he needed to prove that he was smart and talented because it didn’t come easily to him. Even though we’ve tried to support him and build up his confidence and self-esteem, he still goes around with a chip on his shoulder and a desire to prove that he can do it himself. He has not been taking his medication because he says that it makes him feel like a zombie.

I’m in the process of looking for a new doctor because his current doctor is convinced that there is only one good ADD medication out there, Adderal and doesn’t want to have Brien try something else. However the waiting lists for other doctors is discouraging me.

This week I’ve been trying to write a letter to the Student Disabilities Coordinator to explain about Brien. I tried to tell her how one minute you are ready to throttle him, and the next you are completely astounded by the depth of his insight and the scope of his understanding. How he can see into your soul and steal your heart while you're still trying to quell the anger that only a moment before had threatened to overwhelm your maternal instincts and compel you to say terribly hurtful things that you didn't really mean.

After I got the letter all written, I thought to myself maybe this one would be better:

How do you solve a problem like Brien? How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?

He climbs a tree and scrapes his knee
His pants have got a tear
He plays air trumpet while he drives to school
And whistles on the stair
And underneath his ballcap
He has snarled and matted hair
I even heard him singing in the library

He's always late for dinner
But his penitence is real
He's always late for everything
Except for every meal
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
That Brien’s not an asset to his sex

I'd like to say a word in his behalf
Brien makes me laugh

How do you solve a problem like Brien?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Brien?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him
Many a thing he ought to understand
But how do you make him stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Brien?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

When I'm with him I'm confused
Out of focus and bemused
And I never know exactly where I am
Unpredictable as weather
He's as flighty as a feather
He's a darling! He's a demon! He's a lamb!

He'd outpester any pest
Drive a hornet from its nest
He could throw a whirling dervish out of whirl
He is gentle! He is wild!
He's a riddle! He's a child!
He's a headache! He's an angel!
He's a boy!

How do you solve a problem like Brien?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
How do you find a word that means Brien?
A flibbertijibbet! A will-o'-the wisp! A clown!

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell him
Many a thing he ought to understand
But how do you make him stay
And listen to all you say
How do you keep a wave upon the sand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Brien?
How do you hold a moonbeam in your haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand?

Who knew Rodgers and Hammerstein were so insightful? I wonder...if one of them had a kid like Brien. I wonder...if they ever stopped worrying about people liking their child or worrying that their child would never find their way in a world that doesn't really make room for different. I wish I could ask them.

How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? Indeed.