Sugar Cookie Fingers

I am trying to lose weight. I have been doing a diet for the past several weeks and while I’ve had a little bit of success, today…I want to eat my hands. And Not to free myself from some maniac who has me tied up in the trunk of his car. Today I hit roadblock in my effort to lose weight. Not because I snacked on candy (I didn’t). Not because I didn’t take the stairs enough (I have). And not because I’ve lost my will already (no chance). Shoot, even I can keep a resolution for at least a couple of weeks.

So why am I having so much trouble today? I smell like warm sugary cookies right out of the oven and now I want that cute little Pillsbury guy to make a house or rather office call and bring me cookie dough. Raw. Straight from the package so I can nibble sweet, gritty, doughy goodness instead of gnawing on my hang nails.

I know you’re probably thinking "Oh, poor Holley. I realize she’s struggling to lose weight and I wish there was something I could do for her to encourage her to stay motivated."

Or maybe you’re just thinking "Why does she smell like cookies?"

Lemme ’splain. My husband likes to do elaborate stockings for Christmas. He loves to find all sorts of doos and dads and sparkly things. I often end up with a stocking full of stuff that has absolutely no purpose other than to lay there and SPARKLE. So over the years I’ve tried to steer him in the direction of non-sparkly things that I can use throughout the course of the year. Cute pens, post-it notes and hand lotion.

There in lies the rub…yes that pun was intended. The rub in this case is Bath & Body Works Warm Vanilla Sugar lotion. It smells like sugar cookies.

I made the mistake of telling my husband that I love to smell like vanilla cookies. What I didn’t realize at the time is that if you use cookie-scented hand lotion, like I did today, it makes you hungry. Very hungry. Eat your fingers right off your hand hungry. This is not helpful.

There are freak scientists in the world whose job it is to make chemicals smell like food. If you don’t believe me watch the movie, Fast Food Nation, in which a food chemist whips up an additive that is used to make a barbecue burger smell like a barbecue burger. Believe me, you don’t want to eat anything off a Micky D’s menu if you watch that movie. What you think is a hamburger is more like something that only smells like a hamburger. There might be soem meat in there, because “Parts is Parts” but you can’t be too sure. Apparently these food chemists can make anything smell like anything they want. Eat at your own risk.

There is a lesson here. If you’re going to go on a diet, do not use a product on yourself that smells like an item you’ve just crossed off your acceptable foods list. It’ll drive you insane. Dieting is hard enough without wanting to eat your own fingers.