You may have noticed lately (or not) that I have not been my usually chipper self. Well those of you who are not leading fabulous lives and having fun family filled summer vacations instead of stuck reading blogs for your only source of relaxation and escape. Oh, my humor creeps in here and there, but for the most part, I've been battling the blues. I guess it's a mild case of depression.
Maybe it's because I'm missing my daddy (his birthday was Sunday) and I wasn’t there to celebrate it with him as usual. Maybe it's because my feet have been hurting (minor case of plantar fasciitis). Maybe it's because I am feeling as though I'm in a dry spot spiritually. Maybe it's because I am mourning the loss of my children’s childhoods because I work full time and have since Wes was 2. Sometimes I feel like I’ve missed out on so much. Now that they both have their own cars (yes world Wes is driving), and are working their own jobs, I hardly ever see my boys anymore. Maybe it's because it's a beautiful, breezy, big-puffy-cloud kind of day without any humidity, and I'm stuck in an office building breathing stale air. Maybe it's because life is moving so fast -- like a movie before my very eyes ... one that I can't seem to pause no matter how hard I try. Maybe it's just the buffalo chicken salad I had for lunch coming back to haunt me.
Whatever the case may be, the fact remains. I'm feeling blue. And, when I’m feeling blue and incapable of reviewing printer estimates or budget requests I peruse LDS.com. During my perusal, I stumbled across a scripture from Habakkuk.
Ironically, Habakkuk means "embrace" in Hebrew. Ironically, because I could use a "God embrace" right now. And even more ironic, Habakkuk doesn't hesitate to openly question God about all the unfairness he sees, as well as pretty much challenging God's wisdom! AND, he complains a lot! That sounds so much like me. "Why, God? Why is this happening? Why is that happening? Wouldn't it be better if it turned out like this? Or that? Why does everything seem so unfair?" I can totally relate to that.
But more than that, I can relate to Habakkuk's swing of moods. In chapter one, he's feeling pretty low and questioning God. I’m going to paraphrase here: ( "How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen? Or cry out to you . . . but you do not save? . . . Why do you tolerate wrong?"). In chapter two, he is feeling despair, but he's waiting on God for an answer ("I will stand at my watch and station myself on the ramparts; I will look to see what he will say to me, and what answer I am to give to this complaint"). Waiting seems to be an important step; one which I hate. But in chapter three ... he is praising God. So, pretty much, Habakkuk is pretty moody, and I like that about him. He can swing like a pendulum. Yeah. Me too.
So, I concentrated on chapter three, of course, because I was already down, and feeling despair (according to Marilla Cuthbert, “to despair is to turn your back on God” how very true). Now, I wanted to feel joy! And what a better chapter to zone-in on than one that tracks Habakkuk's progress towards spiritual happiness?
Habakkuk realizes that God is in control. He is holy. And it only took him two chapters to get there (ha-ha). He spends time not only pleading with God, and writing about God's wrath, but he spends time praising God's majesty and his power, and he promises to wait and trust in God. Even though what is looming ahead of him is frightening. He settles down and "embraces" God. He accepts that even though we sometimes don't see God, God is always actively involved. He is holy, and he hears and answers our prayers. Habakkuk did something I find very difficult to do. He relied on God and not -- get this -- human strength. Even when it wasn't in Habakkuk's own timing, but rather, God's timing. Owww.
“Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, there shall be no herd in the stalls:
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength and he will make my feet like hinds’ feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments.
Habakkuk 3:17-19
That is soooo what I needed to hear. I'm actually feeling a bit better. Not all the way better. Just a bit. Maybe a banana split would make me feel much better. Actually I think I’ll go and relive my cousin Matt’s family vacation as told by his amazing wife, Julie.
Instead of sugar I’ll indulge in a little virtual family reunion.
Still missing everyone! I hope you are all having a wonderful summer filled with cool pools, sweet barbecue and fun family moments.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Oh, Holley, you sweet woman. I have the moods too and they seem to change hourly sometimes and weekly others. I was in funk for a few months last winter. Mine usually occur more often in winter... I wish a lot of things, but right now I'm wishing we could live closer. I know we would be the best of friends.
Post a Comment