Have you ever had one of those Murphy's law weeks, months, years, LIVES! You know the kind of luck that has the potential to be bad or have far reaching catastrophic financial consequences.And you know without a shadow of doubt that lovely piece of fate is going to search the cosmos until it finds you.
Yeah! Me too!
So I've been doing a little bit of personal scientific research. Since I'm all about sharing and educating...I do work at a college after all, I'm going to share my absolutely, positively enlightening research with you my wonderful internet family!
The following statistics are based on my own personal scientific research over a period of four decades.
If you are wearing a black shirt and you attempt to put on deodorant, there is a 97% chance you will get the deodorant on the bottom of your shirt. If you attempt to put on deodorant while wearing a black shirt and a blindfold, the odds of getting deodorant on your shirt increase to 97.2% If you have no other clean shirts to wear and you are rushing out the door to go to work, the odds increase exponentially.
If you are eating at a Mexican restaurant for a business lunch and you are wearing a white shirt, there is 98% chance you will get salsa on the front. There is a 98.5% chance the spot will be right on your boob. If the shirt is dry-clean only the odds increase to 100%.
If you are putting on jewelry and the drain in the sink is not plugged, the chances that you will drop your jewelry into the sink are 89.9%. The odds that it will disappear down the drain are 99.9% If it is cheap costume jewelry, the odds decrease slightly. Unless you really like the jewelry, then the like factor cancels out the cheap factor and you are back at 99.9% give or take.
If you drive away from the drive-through lane without checking the bag, the odds that something was left out are 93.7%
If you have a dog and an ink pen and teenager and a light colored expensive rug, the odds that the four will at some point intersect are 94%. Ironically, these are the same odds that you could own a dog with a tattoo on his tongue. The odds that a dog would chew up an ink pen on a Walmart rug? Zip.
If you have a child and an ink pen and textiles of any kind any where in your home, the odds that the three will intersect in an unpleasant manner are calculated using square roots and other complicated mathematical formulas — let’s just say its very high.
The odds of choosing the one restroom stall out of eleven that is out of toilet paper are around 87%.
If you have your hands full of groceries and manage to open the door with your foot, the odds that one of the grocery bags will catch on the handle of the door as you walk past thereby jerking you off your feet and spilling all your groceries are 92%. Ironically these are the same odds that you will catch the pocket of your best slacks on door knobs that reach out and grab things.
The odds of dropping your cell phone into the 1/8 inch space between your seat and the console of your car (you know, that space that is too small for your hand) are 82%. The odds that it will lodge under your seat and you will have to stop the car and push the seat all the way back to retrieve it are 99%. The odds that your husband will call you while the phone is under the car seat is 99.7%. The same odds apply to car keys. Any necessary item of any size will magically be able to pass through the narrow space between the car seat and the console. This space is known to have the same vacuum-like physical properties of a black hole. French fries with ketchup on the other hand are more likely to land on your white pants than into your car’s black hole.
If you are carrying a box of heirloom ornaments in your hands and you hear the phone ring and you break your neck and possibly some heirloom ornaments to answer it, the odds that it will be a computer call or a telemarketer are 93%. However, if you choose not to answer it, the odds are 100% that it will be your doctor calling about that suspicious mole. And he will be out of town for the next two weeks.
Feel free to report the findings of your own studies.
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5 comments:
What are the odds that if you keep your cell phone in your pants pocket, that the phone will fall into the toilet while pulling your pants back up? And if you haven't flushed yet do the odds go up or down?
I have found that if you are in a hurry and have to run to the gorcery store for 2 little items that are crucial to your well planned dinner, the odds are at least 89.6% that you will choose the line that for some reason never seems to move. The odds tend to go up if you decide to switch to a quicker line, that then never moves and the person behind you in your previous line gets out the door ar least 2 people before you reach the register. Gotta love those odds.
The other day I stepped on a tiny shard of glass that had probably been on my floor for quite some time. What are the odds that the mom gets the glass. I guess when you figure I spend way more time on the kitchen than anyone else it makes sense. I agreee with Brittany that grocery thing happens to me all the time. The other day I was in line behind an old man that was arguing the price of salad dressing with the checker and after closer ovbeservation it turned out he didn't pay enough. The problem is I already had my stuff on the belt, so moving was not an option.
What are the odds of a mischievous 3 year old putting your mom's debit card in his pants pocket while everyone tears apart the house searching? And in the mean time the card is washed in the washer and meanwhile the card is canceled. TRUE STORY of the week.
I like this odds thing...too funny.
YOU are HILARIOUS!!!!!
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