Finding my Christmas Spirit

As previously established here on Wild Berry Punch 2, I am a sucker for nostalgia and/or any and all nostalgic ephemera.

You know that line in "Pretty In Pink" where Andie says "Iona, You're going to O.D. on nostalgia" while tenderly patting Annie Potts' jet-black beehive? That line always makes me laugh because I could indeed O.D on nostalgia. It’s a genetic affliction passed down to me by my father.

Last Christmas, my boys gave me the complete boxed set of "Anne of Green Gables" That series is one of my absolute favorites.

I still have some of the original set of books that I received for my 13th birthday tucked safely away. I get them out every once in a while and breathe deeply of the musty, dusty pages. That smell always takes me back to long lazy afternoons sprawled upon my bed, lost to that long ago world beyond the baby blue binding.

Ah. Good memories.

Anyway...I know a lot of you thoroughly dislike all the corny cheeseball Christmas specials that glut the airwaves this time of year, but I truly love them all.

This past weekend on the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime the “Cheese” began to flow in earnest. I was channel surfing and I found "Christmas at Plum Creek", which is part of another of my fondest childhood memories “Little House on the Prairie!” I just have to tell you reconnecting with my old pal Laura has me including that show in my annual rotation, along with "A Christmas Story", "It's A Wonderful Life,” “White Christmas,” “The Holiday,” “Comfort & Joy” and "The Year Without A Santa Clause".

There is a point in this episode where I tried hard but miserably failed, not to break down into sobs. And then Wes came in and caught me sniffling away on the couch and we laughed at my silliness. This is rather a frequent occurrence as I’m the only woman in my household!
In this episode, the Ingalls family members are all puzzling about how to buy one another gifts with the very meager amount of money they have managed to save. Laura wants to buy Ma a stove, but it is so very, very expensive that she has no hope of being able to do so.

The stove costs $7.87.

Nelly has been begging and pleading with Laura to sell her horse Bunny, but Laura has steadfastly refused because she loves Bunny with all her heart, and also because she knows Nelly would not treat Bunny with kindness. But finally, because she knows how much Ma wants the stove, she agrees to trade Bunny to Mr. Olson for the stove. She doesn't know, however, that Pa has made her a saddle for Christmas.

The scene that destroys Husband me, is the one where Mr. Olson comes to pick up Bunny. He and Laura leave the house to go out to the barn, and we, the viewers, are left inside with Charles and Caroline, who is fighting tears.

"Oh Charles, her pony, I can't..."

Charles takes her by the shoulders and looks into her eyes.

"Caroline, she had the right." he says earnestly.

"But she LOVES that pony!"

"She loves YOU more."

Then Caroline breaks down and then I broke down and pretty soon I was sobbing because I was so overcome by the sweet aching bigness of a child's love for her mother.

This scene didn't make me cry when I was 9, but it did evoke powerful emotions. I felt terribly sad that Laura had to give up Bunny.

But there was more than that for me.

I remember being a child, and thinking about how I would like to do something big like that for the people in my life. I wanted to make some sort of Grand Gesture. I don’t think I really understood why I was experiencing those feelings.

Watching that show now, I can relate to all the complicated emotions that episode embodies. Nothing, nothing in the world could be more meaningful or more valuable than an opportunity to make a mother happy. Nothing, nothing in the world could be more important than keeping a child from being hurt.

That's a pretty big thing, that kind of love.

If I didn't understand it then, I certainly do now. I find myself struggling year after year to find a gift or a gesture that will convey my feelings for the people I give gifts too. I’ve never really succeeded though because I don’t think a gift can convey those kinds of feelings. The thing that made Laura’s gift so special was the sacrifice behind it. Giving up your selfish desires for the good of another. That is the true Spirit of Christmas.