Have you ever noticed that the shoppers in Target are wearing either flip flips or clogs? Well, I am here to share another sociological study with you.
Do you ever get on your knees and thank your lucky stars that you know me and have access to my dementia? (points for whoever guesses where that quote is from!)
I used to be a Wal-mart shopper. But lately, I have left ole' Sam in the dust and embraced that cute dog with the red circle around his eye. BTW- Doesn't he look like Petey from Little Rascals?
The Wally World near us has just turned into chaos. I am not a Target snob; I still love Dollar General and hello! The Dollar Tree! But, when I have to venture into a 100 acre discount store, Tar-zzhay is for me.
I can see that you are at the edge of your seat, so let's proceed to The Very Important Sociological Observations-
Picture this. 9:30 p.m. on a school night. A mom and three boys after what has probably been a very long day. You can imagine how tired the little guys are after a long day at school and who knows how many Capri-suns. Now mom is trying to shop. Is she insane? Yes she is, and we can all relate because we’ve all been there right?
This is what I overheard from a few aisles over. (The great thing about huge stores with high ceilings and tile floors is that any sound magnifies to like 1000 times.)
"AAAAAAHHHHHH! "
"STOP IT!!!"
"Mom!"
"Boys!!! Sandwich! Tape!"
This is the part that cracked me up. I have heard of "Zip it," "Hold a bubble in your mouth," and the all time favorite "I'll give ya somethin' to cry about." But, Sandwich Tape? This one is new. I must have missed that Supernanny. Or this is some new Southern thing that has escaped me this past 10 years. Yes I’ve been in the South for 10 years. I know!
My first thought was, Sandwich- the kid imagines closing his mouth like you put the two pieces of bread. Then, I wondered if you stuff the sandwich in the kid's mouth, then put the tape on. That would work. ;>) What kind of sandwich does the kid imagine? I decided to go with a peanut butter sandwich, the kind that sticks to the roof of the mouth. As for the tape- gotta go with a classic- duct tape. This is all virtual and not literal, of course.
Either way- duct tape, scotch tape, peanut butter or ham, the "Sandwich! Tape!" method didn't work. The boys kept screaming and doing what brothers do- torture and tease each other in public.
That poor mom was at her wit's end when I heard her say, "Atticus! Enough!"
Yes, the kid's name was Atticus. I don't know what is funnier- A kid imagining a PB & J and duct tape to stay quiet, or a kid named Atticus. Bless his heart. He is destined to become a lawyer or his parent's favorite book was "To Kill A Mocking Bird."
That’s what I did last night with my time off. It was full of unbridled excitement. And peanut butter sandwiches.
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5 comments:
I'm going to try the sandwhich /tape method. My kid never stops talking.
I'm with Julie. We were just at the store and Sydney would not stop whining until we ran into her teacher. After that she was all smiles. I feel for that woman, going to the store with children is right up there with getting a root canal. I am picturing her saying these things with a southern accent and its even funnier.
Don't you love observing others in the store?? Though, with my two children.. I'm SURE other people are observing US. We are the freaks. The ones who can't get their children to sit in the cart, or stop crying because we aren't getting a toy.. whatever it is.. when I go to the store with my kiddos I feel like I'm in the circus, with everyone watching!!!
Now that's funny. I've also grasped the enjoyment of shopping alone and feeling sorry for all the poor moms who had to haul the kiddos along. Very entertaining!
You know, I had problems shopping with my kids, even to the point where we were sure someone was going to call security on us....but I don't remember it being so bad that I just couldn't stand it. I wanted to get out of the house so bad I didn't care what everyone else thought. I was desperate. I don't know how stay at home moms can just...stay at home.
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