Happy Friday to me! See, I am on medication. Not just my usual anti-depressant that keeps me on a smooth, slightly sane, mental plane. My allergies are giving me fits. I have a cough that mimics that of an old, tattoo- sporting, Winston smoking woman who hacks over the sneeze guard at Sizzler.
To prevent my lungs from completely deteriorating, I woke up this morning, not so bright-eyed and bushy- tailed and took two Advil Cold and Sinus caplets. PLEASE READ THIS- The label recommends only one caplet. But, I have a very high tolerance to medication.
Example- A few years ago I had the delightful experience of Kidney Stones. The nurse gave me a really goooood drug for the pain. The kind that makes you look around the room and see things dancing. The kind that makes you say things like "I love ya, man." or "DUUUDE! You Gotta Dell"
Right before she injected me with this blessing from the pharmacy, she said,"You may want to use the restroom. Most patients fall asleep before I even finish pushing this drug into their IV."
Such a sweet kid, fresh out of nursing school with the naïve belief that morphine could cure all.
I told her that I didn’t need to pee because every time I did it felt like I was pushing a broken mirror down my urethra and just give me the drugs already!
So, she gave me the medication. Not only did I NOT fall asleep, I continued to talk to her. She finished administering this blessing from the pharmacy and left the room in Shock and Awe. And, after she left, I didn’t feel very much better and 30 minutes later she had to come and give me a second dose. AND I NEVER EVEN FELT A TWINGE OF GROGGY. Though I would have welcomed the bliss of a medication induced coma at the time.
Considering that the above portion of this post could be a novella with a plot that goes absolutely nowhere, hmmm. Let me think...If I were going to write a novel… (Jeanna the elipses are in honor of you).
My novel would be about a completely fictional character, a woman, let's say. She grows up in the West, but marries a guy who has relatives in the South and they end up having to move there. This woman has some of the weirdest relatives. Some of them are so strange that her family doesn't talk about it, unless it is in a whisper.
This woman is... let's say... fairly attractive, no, she is absolutely GORGEOUS! So much so that people have to turn away when she passes on the street. Kind of like staring at the sun. You could go blind. (Not sure if this is fiction or non-fiction. What do you think?)
The novel would be about her life in the tropics, sipping sweet herbal raspberry tea, eating seven layer chocolate cake, and never gaining an ounce of fat. Quite the contrary, the more she eats, the more she radiates charm and beauty, and extreme intelligence.
Most days she is in her hammock solving world hunger, and writing peace treaties for nations across the globe.
The End.
Really. That's the end.
Never underestimate the creative power of decongestants.
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2 comments:
A drug-induced novel, I like it. I have a little bit of liquid med that I could take and maybe you and I could brainstorm another novel wherein the heroine is a California expatriate who finds herself in the mountain west. She is a full time wife and mother but in her spare time she leads an ultra-hush hush think tank that will soon reveal its plan to save her country and the world's economy, all the while look fabu in her well manicured hands and pedi'd feet. (Hmmm, who has a fascination with going to the spa of late?)
Thank you for reminding me about ellipses, my memory fails me at every turn.
Can I get some of that?! Sounds nice to take a break from reality...oh wait that's why people drink alcoholic beverages and take drugs so I guess technically I could take a break from reality but we both know that I'd never dare. OK so I have no idea what I'm talking about right now...I am tired and its 4 in the afternoon. Once again, Can I have what you're having!
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