A Mother's Job is never done!

Job Description of a Mom
POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma

JOB DESCRIPTION: Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to band competitions sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES: The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5, 10, 20, 100 bucks (prom is coming up and so client #1 currently is trying to get on my good side because he wants to rent a Limo with his friends). Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf and it is in fact a client with his ear hanging in an awkward position that will require stitches. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects and have good ideas for the stupid science fairs that will make it seem like your client is a brilliant prodigy. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be able to fix all problems - be it physical, mental or emotional. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute and an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility. Must keep the number one cardinal rule of clients who are aged 13 and above, never under any circumstances are you allowed to ask personal questions.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION: Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you. However, some mothers will be fortunate enough to add on to their title - Grandma.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis

WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. Compensation may be doled out in the form of a check, credit card, gift card, cash or just let clients use up all of the gas in your car. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right, just not when their friends are watching.