Corn - One of the Great Mysteries of the Universe

Well folks Christmas is over and the Berry family had a very nice one. I hope that all of you were sufficiently spoiled by the loved ones in your life as you all deserved to be. I will post some pictures of my boys playing with their new favorite toy - The Pool Table (compliments of one incredible Grandma White!!)

It was nice to be off from work and I actually got quite a bit of laundry done while on my hiatus from the job that actually pays me. However I had another interesting laundry experience that I thought I would share and this experience has prompted some more ponderings.

Corn is one of the most indestructible elements on the face of the earth. At one time it was on Mohs Scale of Hardness, but was later replaced by Conundrum. Or something like that. Which is a good thing because had it stayed on the list, your birthstone might be corn. It’s true. I would not make up something as serious as that just to amuse myself.

Anyway, you don’t need Moh to tell you about the properties of corn. You’ve eaten corn. You know that it can pass through the length and breadth of your digestive tract unblemished, unscathed and in tact. I became acutely aware of this fact soon after feeding my little boys corn for the first time. From the changing table, I called to Dane, “Dude! Get in here! You gotta see this!” He never falls for that.

Since then, I have learned that corn can even hold up to the most stringent of wash cycles - the setting that I call The Last Chance Cycle — hot and harsh. But this is not the time to bring up Colin Firth in Pride & Prejudice, this is about laundry. Anyway, that which emerges from The Last Chance Cycle unrepentant and uncleansed is cast into the rag bag of damnation and destined to wash cars and mop up the unspeakable for all eternity. Be warned. It only takes one indiscreet fling with salsa.

I bring up the fascinating topic of corn for a reason. As I’m pulling some clothes from the washer Wednesday (I know you are all wondering why I'm doing housework on my birthday... I am a mother, enough said), I notice there is corn on everything. And I wondered from whence does this corn come? I did not remember opening a can of corn and dumping it in the washer. But I am now a 40-year-old woman with teenagers, so I don’t remember a lot of stuff. Nonetheless, being the logical and scientific CSI person I am, I began to seek clues. So I yell out, “Who put corn in the washer?” And oddly enough, nobody even bothers to dignify my question with a response. Do you get that a lot at your house? Most of my questions seem to go into the black hole of questiondom.

I continued my investigation by checking pockets, which based on previous laundry experiences, was probably a dumb thing to do. I hear of women who pull out ten dollar bills and even lottery tickets from pockets while doing laundry. I pull out things that breathe. And now? Corn. Someone, and I won’t name names here, had apparently at least attempted to clean up a mess that he made on the kitchen floor when opening a can of corn. However instead of dumping the cleaned up corn into the sink or the trash, nameless teenage son put the entire rag into the washing machine. The only reason I know this is because apparently he put the rag in his pocket in order to safely transport it to the laundry room. Is it any wonder that I worry about SAT scores?

In our next episode of Great Laundry Mysteries, I ask this question: How is it that a kleenex will disintegrate in your hand while dabbing a runny nose, yet survive a Last Chance cycle no worse for the wear?

My theory is that kleenex is made of corn.