First, when I look at the so-called fashionable clothes I laugh. What is this clothing item called a shrug, and why do I want to wear something who’s sole purpose seems to be creating extra bulk on my already bulky body? What is with the dumb, high-heeled, pointy-toed witch shoes the girls are wearing with their jeans? What happened to KEDS? Maybe if I didn't have ultra-wide Fred Flintstone feet I would feel differently.
Second, I wistfully expressed my ( mostly theoretical) desire for botox shots to my boys. That’s when Brien asked why I would want to get SO many shots ALL OVER my face. Two words… justifiable homicide. I’ll miss that kid, and he was so close to graduating from high school.
Third, I am a full year older than I thought I was. I mean I *know* how old I am when I stop and do the math, I just prefer not to think about it.
Fourth, in the spirit of being a “fun” mom, I tried leg wrestling with my boys because back in the day, I had me some pretty strong legs, tree-trunk thighs I inherited from my father. I was limping for days afterward.
Fifth, ninety percent of the things I use every day were not even invented when I was a child. When my boys ask me, “What did you do when you were a kid?” I tell them I crushed my own berries to paint on the wall of my cave and I loved it and appreciated it!
So, I have compiled a list of things that I want to accomplish before I turn forty, which will happen in exactly 49 days. (some realistic, most never gonna happen)
1) Learn to knit, so I can one day knit a
2) Start and continue an exercise regime for three months or longer (I’m just trying to keep my exercise to manageable chunks, I wouldn’t want my body to revolt. Exercise is dangerous!), even if it kills me (Kelly, I am going to win that massage!!)
3) Do sit ups everyday for 3 months (I’ve already failed on this one, but even though I won’t have 3 months, I am going to buy myself one of those “BEAN” things so that I can more comfortably hurt myself!
4) Learn to accept my body and all it’s imperfections (yeah, right)
5)Read novels I should have already read, classics I read a long time ago and either hated them with a fiery passion or loved them with a fiery passion to see if time has changed my feelings towards them (I have been working on this one, but I just keep coming back to Jane Austen and can’t quite seem to break out of my pattern and expand my literary world)
6) Go to Ireland with my husband (Never gonna happen because Dane is afraid of flying and we don’t play the lottery and we have jobs so we’ll never have money or time to take a cruise to Europe)
7) Spend a summer in Italy with my children
8) See the Grand Canyon in person
9) Take my kids to a Broadway show. I used to go frequently when I lived in New Jersey I have fond memories of the experience and I now have relatives that live in New York (Glenn & April any chance of inviting myself to stay with you so that I can afford to give my boys some culture?)
10) Bring my nieces to the American Girl Cafe (I don’t have daughters so I have to live vicariously through Julie, Kevin & Kelly)
11) Help my father write his memoirs. I think it could be a great experience for both of us.
12) Renew my wedding vows and have a party to celebrate where I am thin and can fit into a gorgeous wedding gown!
13) Finish writing a book (working on some ideas.)
14) Go through all our photographs and select some to matte and frame. AND hang them on the wall in our family room (This I may actually get accomplished and not just dream about)
15) Gather pictures of our family life and get a really nice family scrapbook put together for our new coffee table
16) Spend an entire 24 hour day without once yelling
17) Get my kids to watch Christmas specials with me just for old times sake (My mom always made this a special time. We would mark up the TV Guides and plan out each week of Dec. with what specials we were going to watch and we would make cookies and marshmallow cornflake wreaths! Mom you are so awesome)
18) Ride on a roller-coaster, and if I feel particularly daring one that goes upside down (I have actually done this in my younger, crazier life but have not been feeling all that adventurous lately)
19) Catch up on buying my children their annual Christmas ornament. (The idea is that I buy the boys an ornament every year that represents them at that year of their life. When they get married they will take the ornaments. Though who knows, they will probably think it is totally stupid or their wife will think it’s my attempt at “CONTROLING” their tree decorating and I will be stuck with all these ornaments on my tree forever and I’ll never get to do one of those theme coordinated trees like Grandma White has.
20) Work tirelessly to rid the fashion world of low-waisted pants by complaining constantly to anyone who will listen.
21) Dig out my craft paints and start taking painting lessons again and maybe actually paint a real painting
22) Hang the painting up somewhere in my house
23) Read Jane Austen’s Northanger Abbey (that is the only one I’ve not read all the way through) then I can truly call myself a pure Austen fan
24) Take my boys to see the Nutcraker and not let them complain about it
25) Learn to not be afraid of confrontation
26) Buy a huge bottle of vitamins and take them every day until the bottle is empty, without missing a day
27) Make it a habit to drink 8 glasses of water a day without substituting Crystal Light for one or more of my glasses
28) Decorate my house (I would be happy if I could just move into my house)
29) Get rid of all the things in my house that are just clutter and would benefit someone else. I want a simpler existence and I am allergic to housework
30) Make an ice skating rink in my back yard, build a bonfire, make hot chocolate, and have a skating party and enjoy it
31) Learn Spanish (taking a course at Elon but I don’t really have an affinity for foreign languages)
32) Learn how to make a really good apple pie from scratch that has no sugar in it and won’t make me feel deprived during the Holidays
33) Not feel guilty when its time to buy bras and underwear
34) Learn to be as patient and giving as my mom
35) Buy a plant and keep it alive, instead of treating plants as if they are meant to be disposable
36) Practice saying the word “forty” so that I can learn to not throw up a little while I say it
37) Unpack all the boxes from our move and set-up my kitchen so that it stays organized
38) Organize a box for each son to hold their special childhood
39) Learn to appreciate cats since I am being forced to live with them and train my dog to not step on my feet with his killer claws
40) Come to grips with the fact that I am basically 40 and accept that there is no way I will be able to accomplish all of these things. I am still a work in progress and I need to be happy with myself today. Didn’t some
2 comments:
I love your list, it sounds vaguely familiar. I wonder why. That4-0 has a way of creeping up, soon it will be my turn and my plan is to throw myself one of those P-diddy parties where everyone wears white. In this delusion I am skinny and look great in white and all my partygoers are rich and famous.
Ok, I'll settle for the Hawaiian fantasy: Gorgeous husband, kids and wealth. (2/3 aint bad)
That is some list. Atleast you have goals. I've thought of a few, but have never written them down. I bet many of those will come true because you did. I read somewhere that writing goals makes it happen better. Anyway I keep telling all my friends that are turning that magic number that 40 is the new 30, think about it. Good luck.
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