A True Friend

Hi Mom,

It was nice to read your Sunday update. You and Pat have been busy. I really hope that the doctors are able to get some answers about Pat's condition from the CT Scan. I always prefer to be busy when I'm homesick because it makes the time pass by more quickly. That's why these past 15 years have gone by in the blink of an eye. Can you believe that I've been living in North Carolina that long? Give Pat a hug for me and tell her we are praying for her. I'm really happy that the snowflakes made it in time for your party. I hope you both will enjoy your bit of "snow" for Christmas.

On with our discussion of the transformation of Ebenezer Scrooge. The quintessential moment of the play, the one that marks the beginning of Scrooge's change of heart happens during his visitation from his old friend and business partner, Jacob Marley.

Before Scrooge is visited by Jacob Marley, he shows not the slightest bit of kindness or tenderness. His heart is hard. His focus is utterly self-centered. He has nothing to offer others but scorn and an occasional “Humbug!” In his interaction with Marley’s ghost, however, Scrooge first shows the tiniest morsel of positive feeling to anyone.

When the ghost of Jacob Marley visits Scrooge, at first he doubts the veracity of his visitor. In one of my favorite lines from A Christmas Carol, Scrooge argues that his vision is probably “an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. There’s more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!” Yet with loud cries and a horrifying change of appearance, Marley’s ghost prevails upon Scrooge’s good sense. He finally believes that the ghost is real.

Scrooge’s first response to this recognition is fear and trembling. His fear grows when he learns that he is destined to wear even heavier post-mortem chains than the onerous ones that Marley himself is forced to carry. “Speak comfort to me, Jacob,” Scrooge begs, in his first real demonstration of some sort of human vulnerability. Yet Marley can offer no real comfort.

Here we catch a glimpse of a speck of tenderness in Ebenezer Scrooge, though it is completely self-centered. He desires comfort because he is terrified to learn about the Hell that awaits him after death. Thus, the frozen heart of Scrooge begins to thaw just a smidgen, even if his feeling is utterly egocentric.

As Marley continues, he explains that he has come to warn Scrooge so that he might escape Marley’s dire fate, “a chance and hope of my procuring, Ebenezer.” To this Scrooge responds, “You were always a good friend to me, . . . Thank’ee.” Here is the first bit of tenderheartedness directed by Scrooge to someone other than himself. He feels gratitude to Marley.

What begins to thaw the frosty heart of Ebenezer Scrooge? It’s the fact that Marley has acted to help Scrooge. It’s Marley’s gift of undeserved kindness that first touches Scrooge’s soul.

In no way did Marley owe Scrooge anything. And there’s no reason to believe that Marley stood to gain anything for himself in helping Scrooge, other than, perhaps, the sense of having made a positive difference in Scrooge’s life (and afterlife). Moreover, in no way whatsoever had Scrooge done anything to deserve Marley’s help. Marley’s intervention was simply an act of kindness, love and nostalgia for the friendship and partnership they once had. Nostalgia is an underlying theme in Scrooge's transformation. But I will explore that topic tomorrow.

What can we learn from Jacob Marley? As I have been reflecting on Marley's self-less (ghostly pun intended...get it self less...no body ;-) go ahead and groan if you want to. Just remember I've been married to Dane for a long time). Seriously though as I have been reflecting on what Marley's intentions may have been the scripture found in Matthew 5: 44-48 kept running through my mind.

"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your bretheren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefor perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."

Were Marley and Scrooge really friends? They were partners yes and I think early on in their relationship there was a genuine friendship. But when your sole occupation becomes the accumulation of wealth, you lose site of the things that were once important to you, particularly friends and family. I think by the time Marley passed away, there was only a very shallow friendship remaining. Scrooge certainly never really thought about Marley again after he passed away. He just went on with his business.

I believe that Marley's message is for all of us. He is teaching us about how to avoid regret for missed opportunities to serve, opportunities to enrich our lives through friendship both given and received and opportunities to strengthen the bonds of family. The old adage "Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today" is doubly important when it comes to expressing our love and affection-- in word and in deed-- to family members and friends. Harriet Beecher Stowe once said, "The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone."

Christ taught us that we are to LOVE one another. As the scripture in Matthew points out loving our friends and family is easy, usually. It's loving our enemies that is difficult. I think that is going to be the biggest opportunity for God's work to go forward in these last days. We are seeing so many great and terrible things come to pass. It's going to take courage and a heart filled with love for our neighbors and enemies to withstand the tempters snares. We must let our lights shine.

President Monson said: "Let us never despair, for the work in which we are engaged is the work of the Lord. It has been said, The Lord shapes the back to bear the burden placed upon it.

The strength which we earnestly seek in order to meet the challenges of a complex and changing world can be ours when, with fortitude and resolute courage, we stand and declare with Joshua, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

We won't be able to have those opportunities if we are constantly looking inward or downward instead of outward and upward. We need to be a friend to all and guard our important relationships.

I think Christmas is a wonderful time to remember the people who have made a difference in our lives and find ways to be the change we seek in the world.

I think the poet, Charles Hanson Towne said it best in his poem, "Around the Corner."

Around the corner I have a friend,

In this great city that has no end;

Yet days go by, and weeks rush on,

And before I know it, a year is gone.

And I never see my old friend’s face,

For Life is a swift and terrible race. …

But tomorrow comes—and tomorrow goes,

And the distance between us grows and grows.

Around the corner!—yet miles away. …

 

“Here’s a telegram, sir. …”

“Jim died today.”

And that’s what we get, and deserve in the end:

Around the corner, a vanished friend. 

 

My prayer today is that we can use this Christmas to chart a new course. A path that will have us looking up and seeing the faces of the people we pass on the streets each day and finding ways to love them and serve them. Let us pay heed to Marley's warning. One day each of us will run out of tomorrows. Let us not put off what is most important.

Merry Christmas Mom!

Till Tomorrow,
Holley