Beware the Ides of March!

This is my public service announcement for today.

When the doctor’s office leaves you a message on your work voicemail about some blood work that you had done and says that you should follow up with the office…

Do not consult Dr. google before you are able to get in touch with them and find out your exact results.

Otherwise you will spend your morning thinking wistfully about your family, sad that they will be forced to grow up (what’s left of the growing up) without a mother and mentally composing your obituary. Because you just know that you will have that very, very rare disorder. I know I can’t be the only one with a flair for the dramatic and an overactive imagination. I am just happy my husband didn’t answer the phone this morning when I called to tell him farewell. He is so not a morning person.

Then when you finally get in touch with the doctor’s office and they tell you that your blood sugar was just slighly low and you should have the test redone when you get your thyroid checked again in two months…

that they aren’t worried but thought I should follow up with any one of the many doctors that I seem to have now that I am an old fart who requires a day-of-the-week pill container.

Well, when that happens you will feel stupid.

And then you will write in run-on sentences and switch your pronouns so fast you can’t really be sure if you are even talking about yourself any longer.

Then you (I) will need to go to the store and buy some Swedish fish. It is medically necessary I (you) think.

Oh and by the way…this might fall into the category of over share, but my husband sent me an email last night so that it would be waiting for me in the morning when I got to work. The subject line was “Now, you pigs…”
No he was not talking about our children. He was talking about Robert Duvall in Lonesome Dove…the best Western of all time!

Apparently he erupted into spontaneous laughter last night…as he is prone to do (I’ve tried to get him on medication but alas). You know how in every family there are these inside jokes? Well our family has several from the movie Lonesome Dove. We especially love Gus’ pet pigs. There are some really classic lines relating to the pigs in the movie that we have been able to adapt for various family situations. For example.

When we are talking to our boys about the evils of drugs and not giving in to peer pressure… you might hear us use

“A man who tries to steal a pig, well he’s hard to stop.” Now to the casual listener this might not make any sense. But in our family, we all know what we’re talking about…which is a good thing because nobody else does. Below is a favorite clip from Lonesome Dove about respect.

Happy Friday!